Navigating the Holiday Season with Grace: Strategies for Managing Stress
Nov 27, 2024
As a therapist, the holiday season often brings an influx of clients feeling overwhelmed by the pressures of this time of year. I remember one particular session last December that encapsulated the emotional complexity the holidays can bring.
My client, Maya (not her real name), came in feeling exhausted and anxious. "It’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year," she said, forcing a smile. "But honestly, I just feel like I'm drowning in expectations—from family, work, and myself." Maya was managing the pressures of a demanding job, family obligations, and the lingering weight of grief from losing her mother years before. The holidays stirred up both joy and sadness for her, along with a sense of needing to "hold it all together" for everyone else.
This story isn’t unique. Many of us are familiar with the emotional rollercoaster of the holiday season—balancing the joy of celebrations with the stress of meeting expectations, financial concerns, loneliness, or grief. Today, I'll offer some strategies to help you manage these stressors so you can navigate the holidays with more peace, clarity, and grace.
The Hidden Stressors of the Holiday Season
While the holidays are often portrayed as a time of joy and connection, they can also bring out unique stressors. Research shows that many people experience increased anxiety, loneliness, and depression during the holiday season (American Psychological Association [APA], 2017). For some, the season may trigger feelings of loss or isolation, especially if they’ve experienced a recent breakup, the death of a loved one, or strained family relationships.
According to a study by the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), 64% of people with mental health conditions say that their symptoms worsen around the holidays. Even for those who don't typically experience anxiety or depression, the added stress of managing holiday expectations can take a toll.
Here are some common sources of holiday stress:
- Family dynamics: Holiday gatherings can bring unresolved family conflicts to the surface. Old wounds may reopen, or you may feel pressure to meet family expectations.
- Financial strain: The pressure to buy gifts, travel, or host large gatherings can cause financial anxiety.
- Perfectionism: Many people, particularly women, feel the need to create a "perfect" holiday experience, adding unnecessary pressure.
- Grief and loneliness: The holidays can amplify feelings of loss or loneliness, especially for those who are missing loved ones.
- Overcommitting: Trying to attend every event, meet every obligation, and make everyone else happy can lead to burnout.
Understanding these common triggers can help you develop strategies to manage them.
Strategies for Managing Holiday Stress
1. Set Realistic Expectations
One of the biggest sources of holiday stress is the expectation to create a flawless holiday experience. Whether it's hosting the perfect dinner or finding the ideal gifts, the pressure to meet these high standards can quickly become overwhelming.
Instead of striving for perfection, practice setting realistic expectations for yourself and others. Ask yourself: What truly matters to me this holiday season? Focus on the moments and traditions that bring you joy, and let go of the need to do everything.
💡 Tip: When planning your holidays, prioritize two or three things that matter most to you. Everything else is optional.
2. Create Boundaries with Family and Friends
Family gatherings can be a source of joy but also a source of stress, especially if there are unresolved conflicts or difficult dynamics. It's important to establish clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.
For example, if certain conversations make you uncomfortable (such as politics or relationships), kindly steer the conversation in another direction. If you're stretched thin and can’t attend every event, saying no without guilt is okay.
💡 Tip: Prepare a few phrases ahead of time that you can use to establish boundaries, like "I appreciate your concern, but let's talk about something else" or "I won’t be able to make it this year, but I’m sending my love."
3. Practice Mindfulness and Self-Compassion
The holiday season can trigger feelings of inadequacy, guilt, or sadness, especially if you’re dealing with grief or loss. Practicing mindfulness and self-compassion can help you stay grounded.
Mindfulness is the practice of staying present in the moment without judgment. It allows you to slow down, acknowledge your emotions, and create space to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. Self-compassion is about treating yourself with the same kindness and care that you would offer to a close friend. Instead of being hard on yourself for feeling stressed or not meeting holiday expectations, allow yourself to feel what you feel without judgment.
💡 Tip: Set aside five minutes a day to check in with yourself. How are you feeling physically and emotionally? Practice deep breathing or take a mindful walk to release tension.
4. Focus on What You Can Control
It’s easy to get caught up in everything that’s out of your control during the holidays—whether it’s family dynamics, last-minute changes to plans, or the behavior of others. Focusing on what you can control helps reduce anxiety and gives you a sense of empowerment.
For example, you can control how much time you spend with certain people, how you manage your finances, and how you respond to stress. You can also control your own self-care practices, such as getting enough sleep, eating well, and setting aside time for rest.
💡 Tip: When you start to feel overwhelmed, pause and ask yourself: “What’s within my control right now?” Shift your focus to one action you can take to manage your stress.
5. Honor Your Feelings of Grief or Loneliness
For many, the holidays bring up feelings of sadness, grief, or loneliness. If you’ve lost a loved one or are dealing with significant life changes, it’s normal to feel a mix of emotions during this time.
Instead of suppressing these feelings, acknowledge them. Give yourself permission to grieve, even during the holiday season. You can honor a loved one by lighting a candle in their memory or dedicating a moment of quiet reflection in their honor.
💡 Tip: Create a small ritual to honor any feelings of loss, such as writing a letter to a loved one or setting aside time for quiet reflection.
6. Find Time for Self-Care
In the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, self-care is often the first thing to fall off the to-do list. However, it’s essential to take time for yourself to recharge. Whether it’s taking a bubble bath, reading a book, or spending time alone, self-care is crucial for managing stress.
Schedule regular breaks to unwind and recharge, even if it's just for 10 minutes. Remember, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
💡 Tip: Block off time on your calendar for self-care, and treat it like any other important appointment.
8. Seek Support When Needed
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, holiday stress can become overwhelming. If you’re feeling anxious, depressed, or unable to cope, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist can provide valuable tools to help you manage your emotions and navigate difficult situations.
You don’t have to go through it alone. Support is available, whether through therapy, support groups, or simply talking to a trusted friend.
💡 Tip: Consider speaking to a mental health professional, like me, if you feel overwhelmed. Therapy can be a powerful tool for navigating holiday stress and healing from past wounds.
Final Thoughts
The holiday season can bring a unique set of stressors, but it’s also an opportunity to practice mindfulness, self-compassion, and healthy boundaries. By taking time to reflect on your emotional needs, setting realistic expectations, and honoring your feelings, you can navigate the holidays with more grace and inner peace.
Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your well-being during this time. And if you’re ready to explore where you might be feeling stuck or limited, I invite you to download the Discover Your Personal Freedom worksheet to begin a deeper reflection on your journey to inner peace.
References
American Psychological Association. (2017). Stress in America: The state of our nation.
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). (2014). Holiday blues.
